Compassionate Care Before, During and After Pregnancy Loss, Stillbirth, Newborn Death or Disability

No matter where you are in your pregnancy, if you are experiencing or expect to experience the loss of a baby, I want your first to know how sorry I am for your loss. Whether sudden or expected, through early miscarriage, stillbirth or death soon after birth, the loss of a child and all the dreams and possibilities he or she represents to us as parents is nearly impossible to articulate in words. It is real, it is visceral and the grief you feel is normal. And you are not alone. Nearly 1 out of 60 births results in stillbirth or neonatal death in the United States. If you add to that the number of miscarriages that families experience, the loss rises to 1 out of 4 pregnancies.

As doula who has served many mothers and fathers and families experiencing loss, I am uniquely prepared to help you prepare and move through the birth of your baby, no matter its gestational age. As a mother who has suffered numerous miscarriages -- both early and late-term -- I will hold you within the compassionate arms of someone who has traveled a similar road. It's the same road -- your loss is yours alone and your grief and growth must happen on your own timeline. But while I may not understand fully the the bounds of your loss, I have experienced loss and moved through it, after many years, to a place of grace. I hope as a guide for your journey, and with the help of other professionals you will eventually reach the same place.

Cost: I do not charge for bereavement doula support. If you choose to make a donation for this service, I will be honored. But please know your family's needs come first.

HOW TO MAKE CONTACT: If you need doula care during your time of loss, please contact me first by email. As a birth doula there are times when I cannot answer my phone, so I want to be sure I am in a place where I can speak with you and offer my full attention. I will call you within a day: CherylMurfin@gmail.com.

What’s included in Bereavement/Loss Doula Care?

If time allows we will seek to have 2 prenatal meetings: During these meetings we will discuss your feelings, plan for the birth of your child, discuss and plan for what you would like to happen after the birth of your baby, and discuss what experiences and emotions you may have during the postpartum period. I invite you to ask questions, share your story, and let me know how you feel I can be of best support to you. 

During your labor:  I will come to your home (or hospital or wherever you may be) when you labor begins. I will remain with you throughout your labor. During this time, we'll use all the measures I would use at any birth – massage, music, gentle movement, water, counter pressure and other techniques to reduce pain and give you strength. Whenever and wherever possible, I will help your partner be your primary support provider, giving him or her ideas, tips and assistance.

During the Immediate Postpartum I will:

• Help you meet your baby with compassion

• Prepare you for what your beautiful baby may look like

• Encourage you to take your time with your little one

• Help you manage the arrival of family and friends in your time of loss and help them find ways to express their grief while being of support in yours

• Teach you how to keep your baby's temperature just right so you and your family may spend more time with him or her

• Call family and friends if that is your wish

• Take infant portraits and family portraits

• Help you create a memory box for your baby -- including a lock of hair, foot and handprints, a namesake blanket and more

• Advocate for you at the hospital, to make sure you are in an area free from other baby or labor sounds that may be difficult

• Talk to you, listen to you, hold the birth space sacred

• If your hospital does not issue a birth certificate due to baby's age, I will create one for you

• Help you plan for a service, blessing, christening, ceremony or other memorial or remembrance as you see fit

• Help you send out appropriate birth announcement cards

• Help you manage and cope with postpartum recovery and milk production

• In case of surgery, help you manage surgical recovery

In the Days and Weeks that Follow I will:

• Visit you at home at least 2 times

• I will call you to check in and listen

• Offer referral to services that may help

• Remain available by phone whenever you need support

• Help you understand conflicting feelings in the case of a new pregnancy

Readings That May Help in Some Small Way

Stillborn / Still Breathing Blog

New York Times: Stillbirth: Your Stories / JULY 28, 2015: Few families are prepared when a baby dies prior to delivery. Here, parents who have navigated this difficult experience shared their insights.

Centers for Disease Control Stillbirth Stories: The following stories come from mothers who have lost a child through stillbirth. These mothers are ambassadors for Count the Kicks, a program of Healthy Birth Day

Cheryl Murfin is also a Still Baby or Expected Loss Birth Photographer: Call if you are in need 206.604.3280

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Resources for Families

I hope the following resources are helpful to you as you move through your loss.

• What to Do if Your Baby Has Died

• Return to Zero Center for Healing

• Birth Injury Center

• LifeCircle Consulting/Cynthia Good, MA, LMHCA, IBCLC, CATSM

• Online Support

• The Healing Center Seattle

• Parent Support of Puget Sound

• Center for Loss in Multiple Birth

• Bereavement Photography

• Support for Families Through the MISS Foundation